Charmed by that dashing Prince Rupert

charmedbypr @ 2006-08-22T10:19:00

2006-08-22T17:43:01Z

This will be the last post I write for a very long time. I don't expect anyone to comment or comment constructively. Chances are I won't get to read them...

Every couple has a dynamic...a friend to a foil, in a way. One balances the other, a ying to a yang if you will. There is an understanding that one will always be there for the other, that even in rough times, you will both stick together. One won't get left out in the cold, or left at the mercy of others. You hold hands and stay together, like the old kindergarten adage, no matter what.

This past weekend, I've done a lot of thinking...questioned myself. What makes me such a bad person? Why am I not out there making friends like he is...what makes me looked upon so badly, because I'm protective and I don't open up as much. My past has taught me not to be so open. I got wailed on more than I would have liked, and now, I'm much more cagey...I choose my confidants carefully, or I'll just figure it out on my own. I do that a lot...figure things out on my own. I hate being lonely, but I'd rather learn to depend on myself in the clutch instead of depending on others who might screw you over later. So why is it I feel like I'm being viewed as enemy number one...like my opinions or my views don't matter? I don't get it. I believe that I'm a good person, and now that I'm taking the rest I need, I'm finding I'm not so bad after all...I'm proud of myself, and I'm doing what's best for me.

This past weekend...made me realize why I don't think I can go on with what I'm bound to, now. It's the couple dynamic we have. For the last few months, I've been subtlely admonished or downright attacked for being who I am and doing what's best for me...and I felt like I've had to do it all by myself. How can that be, I'm with someone. That may be true, but you can be with someone and still feel alone. It's kinda sad, I feel like it's happening all over again. I'm in a place where people all around can't stand me, and I feel like public enemy number one - just for being who I am. I can't open up, I'm really paranoid because of what people say, and I don't know who to turn to. The one person I thought I could turn to, let me down, and I can't even turn to him. I'm surrounded by all this negativity, and I'm suffocating under it. I'm enraged because I don't want to be near it anymore. It's the reason I fled in the first place, and if that is how it shall always be, then I don't want it.

Up here, it's not like that. I took this time to sort out my feelings (I still am), and it's really nice here. I'm a part of a dynamic, and I don't feel left out. I'm a ying to someone else's yang. People like to see us in action because we balance each other out, he's the boke and I'm the tsukkomi - which delights people because they love seeing the town smart-ass squirm. When I walk outside, I no longer feel like the world hates me. I feel like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. My middle name "Rashi" means "happy girl", so I can show that a lot more. People reassure me that I'm good and I'm welcome there. I have acceptance, which is something I've desperately wanted. Even the grandmother, who knew everything about me and what I have done, extending kindness and a smile to me, which is something that I will never forget.

I don't know why we don't have a dynamic. It's always seemed so lop-sided, and that can't be good. I don't know if I can go through life being lop-sided. I have so far, and it's done more harm than good. I know now things can't change, and I have to decide whether I can accept that or not. ...sigh... I just don't want to feel like being bonded forever will mean always feeling like the bad person who will never be accepted by anyone around her. I know that may very well be the case, and if it is, then I'd be crazy to accept it.

And another thing...since when this a relationship be defined by who gave up the most to be with the other? If that is your only excuse, then it's not much of a relationship at all...

My Project - Get the Word Out!

2006-06-06T21:30:23Z

I'm scared just writing this post.

But being scared isn't going to do me any good.

I'm starting now to find out if anyone would be interested in a convention that celebrates the best in Japanese fashion and cosplay. If there is enough interest, I will set it up for July or August of 2008 for somewhere in Illinois. Illinois already has two major anime conventions, ACEN and Reactor, but I think this would be a nice change, since it only focuses on Japanese street fashion and cosplay and all aspects. It's a subject I've been passionate about these two for a long time, and I'd like to see at least one yearly festival dedicated to it. I am seriously trying to make this happen, but I need to see if there is enough interest in the subject. I can only set up something in Illinois, but hopefully, someone is willing to set up the sister con in the west for all the western cosplayers and fashion enthusiasts out there.

The whole convention would be dedicated to cosplay culture and Japanese fashion culture, including its impact on Japanese society, all types of Japanese fashion, and so on and so forth. Everything for the anime and manga influence to fashion shows, or how much people like it, I would hope that it would show itself in this big gather. I hope to have the most ambitious masquerade ever, and other big events dedicated to showcasing and educating about my favorite subject in the world. I don't intend to start out big and flashy, but I do intend to work my way up with the type of thing, and I am looking for people who would be interested in helping, both here in Illinois and maybe a group that'd like to do something on the west coast as well. If there is enough interest, I am more than willing to work tirelessly to bring it into fruition. Thank you for your consideration, and any comments would be greatly appreciated.

charmedbypr @ 2006-05-25T19:59:00

2006-05-26T00:59:47Z

No, this is my United States of Whatever!

OMFG, Yay! Nobuo Uematsu!

2006-05-24T12:42:57Z

I checked the paper today (the Wednesday edition of the Red Eye for all you Chicagoans out there - all two of you), and I saw an ad for Tower Records. It turns out that this Friday, May 26, from 7pm-9pm, famed Final Fantasy Composer Nobuo Uematsu will be there to sign autographs! Isn't that awesome! He is one of my favorite composers, and the music of Final Fantasy VI remains in my heart, years after its release. If you are a huge Uematsu fan and you'd love to meet him, you wouldn't want to miss this. I'm trying to figure out if I can go (i have a date with the fiance - online), but if you have a chance, go. Beyond the characters, the most memorable part of the Final Fantasy series is the music.

I posted this is my dandy candy blog as well.

OMFG, YAY!!! For Nathan and all others

2006-05-23T17:13:09Z

Nate, I'm posting this especially for you...not only are we getting Disgaea 2 this summer, but Disgaea anime, based on the first PS2 game has come out in Japan, and has already been licensed by Geneon for the states

http://dandycandy.wordpress.com/2006/05/23/omfg-yay/

Check out my blog for more details. Whoo-hoo!

charmedbypr @ 2006-05-17T15:10:00

2006-05-17T20:12:07Z

my project, dandy candy, has begin!

well, not really, but at least we have a blog!

http://dandycandy.wordpress.com/

Go to it, comment, and enjoy!

charmedbypr @ 2006-05-03T15:06:00

2006-05-03T20:07:09Z

The countdown to ACEN begins...

And boy, do I NEED a vacation!

So true...

2006-05-03T11:51:36Z

The Devoted Lover
77% partner focus, 38% aggressiveness, 30% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Devoted Lover.

The Devoted Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and is perhaps the best Lover Style when it comes to developing a long-term, caring and rewarding relationship. The Devoted Lover is a treasure to find, though it is sometimes difficult to time establishing a relationship with one just right; usually, this is the last romantic relationship you'll need to find, so sow any wild oats first.

In terms of physical love, the Devoted Lover can be shy at first but gradually warms and eventually can be a thrilling partner who knows every need of his/her partner. Given a strong and loving relationship, and the right lover, the Devoted Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Suave Lover (most of all) or the Classic Lover, or the Carnal Lover.

Congratulations!

If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following:

Nerds, Geeks & Dorks

Professional Wrestling

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

America/Politics

Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on partner focus

You scored higher than 99% on aggressiveness

You scored higher than 99% on adventurousness

Link: The Lover Style Profile Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

charmedbypr @ 2006-04-19T08:56:00

2006-04-19T13:58:48Z

I am one sad little bride...

My church family and my friends are more supportive than my own mother.

And my phone is out again.

Won't someone hold me?

charmedbypr @ 2006-04-13T14:28:00

2006-04-13T19:45:26Z

I'm going to dress very Japanese/fruitsy outfits. I have two planned so far.

The First one is...

These Legwarmers + this shirt + This mini skirt + loafers or black chunky shoes + punk tie = Tokyo cool. Can't you see it?!

The other is...

this pink tank + this mini skirt + these super cute legwarmers + pink and white sneakers + green and pink jewelry = Alba Rosa sweetheart.

I also found some cute sundresses at Simply Fashion that would fit my scheme perfectly.

Plus, I'll either have my hair done, or I'll wear pretty wigs. Should I go with some makeup, too?

It's gonna be great!

charmedbypr @ 2006-04-12T21:51:00

2006-04-13T02:52:08Z

Looks like I'm going to acen after all. Someone is helping me, so I'll be there. You've been warned.

Call it my last stand before I get married.

charmedbypr @ 2006-04-12T12:49:00

2006-04-12T17:50:08Z

My burning question is...

Would anyone like me to go to ACEN this year?

charmedbypr @ 2006-04-11T11:46:00

2006-04-11T16:48:36Z

Booooooooooooring.

...

That is all...

and...

JOSH, WILL YOU CALL ME ALREADY?!!!!!

charmedbypr @ 2006-04-10T08:54:00

2006-04-10T13:56:24Z

I just read a certain post of me, and now I want to cry...not because I'm sad, it's kinda bitter sweet, is all.

Why is it we can all say, well, I'll stay cool, but one attack, and you're flying all over the place?

I regret even getting angry. I knew I shouldn't, but I did anyway...that sucks.

Again, I'm sorry if I seemed like I wanted people to take sides. I really didn't want to, but we never know what the subconscious.

Anyway, I'm really moving on from this point on. I should be, if I'm going to take this baptism seriously.

charmedbypr @ 2006-04-07T08:46:00

2006-04-07T13:47:44Z

The drama is over...I hope. Well, some other drama anyway.

But I'm not out of the woods yet! I've got to plan the wedding drama! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Because I so don't need the drama!

2006-04-06T13:54:01Z

This journal is FRIENDS ONLY!!

Comment and I just might add you.

Sorry about the lack of graphic.